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Rekindling the Romance — on a Budget!
Showing your sweetie you care doesn’t have to cost a lot, but it can greatly strengthen your bond.
Miss that va–va–voom you felt for your partner on the first date? Perhaps it’s time to strike a match and reignite the passion, says Bianca Acevedo, Ph.D., a researcher at the University of California, Santa Barbara who specializes in the neuroscience of relationships. Acevedo sifted through decades of research (based on data compiled from more than 6,000 people) and found that maintaining romantic love — versus “companionship” love, or the kind of love you feel for friends — is essential to satisfaction in both marriage and dating relationships. She also found that couples who were more satisfied with their relationships were happier and had greater self–esteem.
“One of the biggest complaints I hear from couples is ’We feel like roommates,’” says Chicago relationship therapist Kimberly Sharky, M.A., L.M.F.T. “You need to nurture and pay attention to the fact that you’re lovers,” she says. Kids, careers and chaotic schedules present challenges, of course, but with some preplanning and creativity, you can pump up the romance — without dropping a lot of cash. Here are five ideas.
Define romance for yourselves. “We’re terrible mind readers,” Sharky says. A great first step toward rekindling romance is simply to ask your partner what he finds romantic and to tell him what you find romantic. For you, it could be holding hands; for him, it could be kissing. “Be clear about what you want,” she says.
Sneak in moments of random affection. Romantic love differs from friendship love because it involves intensity and physical interest. “Affection is extremely important in boosting those feelings,” Acevedo says. A spontaneous hug or kiss or a quick neck massage can completely change the dynamic of a day and make you feel more connected, Sharky says.
Leave sweet notes. An unexpected handwritten note that pays attention to your significant other’s role as your lover (versus as a dad or as the guy who takes out the garbage and cuts the grass) is an easy way to boost the romance quotient. It doesn’t have to be mushy or contrived. Something simple — “I feel so lucky to wake up next to you in bed,” for example — might be just what your significant other needs to hear.
Make an everyday activity special. Things like cooking, eating, reading and watching TV can quickly become mundane (especially if there are little ones around). “But you can take an experience that is ordinary and make it special with just small tweaks,” Sharky says. Drink your coffee in bed and read the paper together (instead of at the kitchen table) while the kids watch a cartoon in the other room. Cook a meal together while you each enjoy a glass of wine. Or — after you put the kids to bed — turn out the lights, curl up on the couch and watch a movie together.
Have a night out. Date nights are great, but by the time you add up the cost of the babysitter, the meal and the movie, the expense can be a real romance killer. Save money through creativity: Start a babysitting trade with friends or family members, and on your night out, take advantage of a public resource in your community, such as a free concert or a picnic dinner in the park.
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