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Help for Homework Headaches!
Ready to cry uncle when it comes to homework hassles? Try these expert tips.
Are your evenings and weekends becoming a nightmare because of your kid’s homework? Helping children with homework means walking a fine line. How involved should you be? How do you help without giving answers or hindering your child’s need to develop her own time- and work-management skills? Try these tips from Kathy Seal, co-author of Pressured Parents, Stressed-out Kids: Dealing With Competition While Raising a Successful Child and Motivated Minds: Raising Children to Love Learning.
Q: How involved should parents be when it comes to helping with homework?
A: Don't hover, but make sure your child knows you're ready to help when he wants it. If you do jump in to help, phrase your questions in a way that doesn’t give the answer, but points him toward it, such as: “Where do you think you could find information on that?” “Would you like to go over the directions together?” “Can I help you make a list of what you need to do?”
Walk him through a similar problem, but stay away from doing the homework itself. If you’re tempted to “clean up” your child’s work, remember that the goal is for him to learn. Kids make mistakes when they are trying to meet new challenges and learn — which is a good thing. Understanding their mistakes is fundamental to the learning process.
Q: At what age can kids start learning time- and work-management skills?
A: As soon as they have homework, kids are ready to use simple organizing skills. Observe your child, and see what she already knows about how to plan, and if there’s anything she needs help with. If you think she needs help but isn’t asking for it, try asking questions rather than plunging in with advice: “Do you know which part you’ll do first?” “Will you have enough time if you wait until after dinner?”
Q: What do teachers want to see from parents when it comes to supervising a child’s homework?
A: Expectations and structure. They want parents to expect their children to do their homework and to provide a place to do it and an agreed-upon time. You might let your child choose that time.
Q: What’s the best way to communicate with your child’s teacher when it comes to discussing homework?
A: Calmly and with respect. If you feel your child is receiving too little or too much homework, write a note or find a moment to talk to the teacher. Let him or her know your concerns in a polite way. Give specifics: “It seems as if it takes him X hours every night.” Or, “He’s having trouble with math. I wonder if more homework would help.”
Q: When my child reaches high school, should I just butt out on homework?
A: Even when kids are in high school, we can still support them with practical resources. We can talk through their thinking with them. If a child is still asking for the kind of help you gave in elementary or middle school, you might encourage more independence on those tasks you know she can do himself. If your child needs help and you don’t know how to give it yourself, encourage her to find that help at school through older students or her teachers. That will give her the skill of “finding help,” which will come in very handy in college — and in life. Learning how to learn is crucial.
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